Playing catch-up

so things haven’t necessarily panned out as expected. The plan was pretty much set out right and has been duly executed. I still don’t think i’m doing anything wrong according to logical planning with the circumstances given. Yet it doesn’t feel the rightest.  There are still plenty of crazy dreams to chase and i haven’t been true to the crazy dreamer inside that has driven any and every move of mine in the past. Is this a coming of age? waking up exhausted, and coming back and lying on a bed comfortably numb, all in the name of rationality and steps up the corporate ladder. For the first time, i’ve opened my mental framework to criticism, to being doubted, and to all litmus tests. I am making all the moves to make sure i am not missing out anything. crossing it all out till only my ways are left. but one of these days, my heart starts catching up to the trap and comes over, and yells ‘what the hell are you doing?’.
i look back silently, with that false sense of belief sayin ‘i got this you crazy thing, i got this.’

Well only time will tell.

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John Mayer | The Heart of Life intro (MSG, 2007.)

‘First thing you feel in your life, is the edge of a surgical blade. And the last thing that runs through your mind is the waste of the plans that you made. And the first time you fall in love, you fall so hard you spend your whole life digging out. The last time you look in her eyes you will know, know what it’s all about. ‘Cause I, I know the heart of life is good. Even though part of life don’t go the way it should.’

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Karachi

"A really good friend of mine asked me the other night; ‘“So what do you think your reality is? Touring, recording in the studio or being home? Which one is your reality?’” It freaked me out because I don’’t know the answer to it. I’’ve certainly grown up a lot just by way of being home. Having a house is a big thing for me. You have a front lawn. You have neighbors who make you baskets and bring you pies and you have to bring the plate back. The real answer is learning to put the guitar down and not be defined by the guitar for a minute. It’’s scary for me. I used to take the guitar everywhere I went even if I wasn’’t going to play it because I didn’’t like not having it. I can go on trips now and not bring it. I can go days now without playing guitar. I’’m not scared of that sentence as much as I used to be because I know it’’s always going to be there."

- John Mayer (2006)

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